benchspeak

show me the money!

2005-06-09T16:56:00.000+08:00

roel and i are celebrating our 3rd monthsary tomorrow. three days after that, it's my mother's 62nd birthday, coinciding with our barangay fiesta. as i know both occasions would require me to shell out some bucks, i allocated for this the 1k "educational assistance" incentive we were supposed to receive, expecting i'd get it soon after it was announced in the media, after all, classes already opened. but no, guidelines for its disbursement bureaucracy-wide have yet to be prepared. so now i have to borrow. *sigh*

quitting my job 2

2005-05-23T11:10:00.000+08:00

follow-up re: my impending resignation from my job. told my bud about it yesterday and quite hesitantly, he told me that he also wants to leave his present job. hmm.. jobless lovers? mga juding na nga, unemployed pa?! lol

short flashback: when i met my bud, he was jobless. he said i inspired him to actively look for a job and he promised me that he'll be a "better" person for me. so slightly over a month ago, he got this job through an agency (i think he's always gotten employed through an agency, always on a contractual basis) as a credit collection officer in a bank in ortigas. he seems to be adapting slowly to his job per his stories, so i can't easily think of any reason for his "premature" decision to quit. when he told me about it yesterday, i was already preparing to leave their place to go home so i wasn't in the mood to discuss and so i never really got to ask him why he intends to resign. i just told him it's actually his call. i felt that he was quite hesitant to talk to me about it since he admitted to me that he's afraid i might split up with him if he becomes jobless again. he even sent me a text last night saying that he's hoping i still love him and that i won't change. i assured him i'll still be here for him and affirmed to him my affection.

well, i'm not really going to drop him in an instant just because he realized he's not happy with his job after a month. everyone deserves multiple chances. and more importantly, if he is to get a stable, fulfilling job, it has to be primarily for himself and not out of a promise he made to me or to anybody else.

i just wish we were not facing job transitions at the same time, so that one could be the other's source of security and further motivation. *sigh* multi-layered challenges, these indeed are. but we'll pull this off, i'm confident.

quitting my job

2005-05-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

i'm deadset: i'm aiming to get a new job within two weeks.

i'm actually supposed to celebrate my 2nd year at my present office on july 7, however, i doubt if there's still any sense in waiting for that date before i leave.

the reason why i'm leaving my job is because i believe my opportunities for personal and professional growth are better somewhere else. in the first place, i don't really see myself growing old in government service.

for my next job, i think i'd try applying to be a trainor in a call center (i've got six months call center experience), or for a job which involves both speaking and writing (perhaps next year i'll pursue teaching). my dear readers, if you know of an opening which you think would be good for me (i'm a broadcast communication graduate), your referrals are very much welcome. ;)

jolt 45

2005-05-19T14:29:00.000+08:00

i just realized i haven't really been a good anything -- son, brother, lover, employee, co-worker, friend. now i look back and try to reflect how i've become such a soulless monster.

all i've done was to live life the way i felt like living it, by my own rules, thinking that with freedom may come happiness.

guess one really has to share his heart fully or not share anything at all -- no in-betweens.

*sigh*. i need to be jolted.

smashin' stress

2005-05-17T15:38:00.000+08:00

yesterday in the office we started working on our new daily output -- an analysis of assigned issues (e.g. mining, illegal logging, among others) as reported in the various broadsheets and tabloids. it was definitely toxic with a capital t. since we're still unsure of how to go about the task and because we also had to read clippings culled from the papers' weekend issues, plus i also had to scan four issues of the phil. star (fri-mon) to check if it did report on issues we have been tasked to monitor and analyze. good thing i was able to release stress through a badminton game last night.

i played with a new acquaintance and his officemates along with their churchmates and partners at smashpoint in makati. it's been four months i think since i last played and i was hell excited about playing again. recalling last night's games, surprisingly i was able to sustain the same level of skills with which i used to play -- just average. i've really yet to learn a lot about the sport to play like an expert.

expert or no-expert, though, badminton is indeed a cool way to shed off unwanted pounds. i used to weigh 118 lbs. when i was still playing and now i'm already 130. well, now that i have found new badminton playmates, i'm looking forward to losing weight again (yahoo!)

love moves... the "comeback" post

2005-05-12T10:03:00.000+08:00

hey blogdom! my apologies for being a delinquent, lousy blogger. been procrastinating too much that's why i wasn't able to post sooner. guess i really have to unlearn that one thing to be able to finish a post faster and write in a more uninhibited, freeflowing style, so as to keep my blog active and interesting. a blog retouch may perhaps be in order very soon to help revive my interest in maintaining a blog, but in the meantime, this "comeback" post has to be uploaded first.

as most of my brodders already know, i now have a lover/buddy and we just celebrated our 2nd monthsary 2 days ago. we just had dinner at pizza hut in sm manila -- no monthsary sex as i don't like going to my bud's place in tondo (i only do so during weekends) because i despise the chaotic atmosphere in divisoria and roel, my bud, is currently financially challenged so we decided to forego checking in at the nearest motel (i already took charge of more than 75% of the dinner bill).

if you'll ask how i'd describe our relationship so far, i'd say everything's not been creaseless, but we've started to explore our way into each other's personalities such that we appreciate each other better and more deeply now than before.

if two people are merely physically attracted to each other, they may last for about a month, but if they stay together longer than that, that means they must have found something in the other person aside from that person's charm. so have i found something in my bud? i don't know. i'm not sure. all i know is that i'm grateful to have him in my life.

how a friend describes me

2005-03-21T10:02:00.000+08:00

a relatively new friend, danuel, has this thing in his blog where he writes stuff about his friends. here's what he thinks about me:

1.) Friendly, smiles parati, very sweet and very caring
2.) Wala akong song for you, sorry. Pero LSS ko yung "So many tears I've crie-hied! blah blah blah, But baby, it ain't over 'till it's over!" lol. so yun nalang. :P
3.) Piolo. ;) Obvious ba? Ice_knight, si Bunsoy and you. ;) Mga Piolo groupies! lol
4.) Madrama - haha! Meant to be a positive trait. ;)

you may very well post your version, either via the comments or tagboard. ;)

ehem!

2005-03-14T09:15:00.000+08:00

You Are Pretty Logical

(You got 63% of the questions right)

You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logic
While you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn good
Keep at it - you've got a lot of natural talent in this area!

How Logical Are You?

weight conscious

2005-03-10T16:56:00.000+08:00

i was kind of alarmed last saturday while i was dressing up for a night-out with friends when i couldn't button my faded black jeans because of my belly, which is again starting to get big. the jeans actually used not to fit me already before, i was just able to wear it a year ago after cutting down on my rice intake and taking some cardio sessions at the gym and playing badminton occasionally. and now, because i haven't been to the gym for months and my badminton partner always begs off whenever i try to set a game, this. i decided i have to take action.

so i went to the gym last monday for a body jam session and texted my badminton partner to schedule a game with him the soonest. i found out that i have gained eight pounds -- from 121 to 129, in approximately two months. i'd know i'm ok when the jeans'd fit well again. i hope that doesn't take too long.

faces & stories @ "bed"

2005-03-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

i don't know how to describe it -- that night i had at bed last edsa 1 anniversary eve, when i got to hear three different stories about three familiar people and i got to bump into certain people who are in ways differently familiar. i can't recall anymore though which happened first, but i highly doubt if we have to be particular about sequencing here.

so the first story is about this friend-frequent bed partner of mine (yes, the one i was supposed to see "dreamboy" with). he came with his co-worker and a friend that night. i found out that his co-worker has been persistently courting my friend. co-worker seems ok, i've met him before when my friend brought him to the club, but i guess my friend just doesn't see a buddy material in him, turning him down several times. thing is, he appears to be madly in love with my friend. and that night, friend got fed up with him (he was "feeling girlfriend", as my friend texted me) and walked out. well, poor creature that co-worker/suitor of my friend is.

next, before my friend abruptly left, he told me about the predicament of a common friend who was also inside the club that night. he said that the guy has been diagnosed to have brain tumor(s). i confirmed it with the guy, and he said it's not that serious and still can be cured with medication. he requested that it be kept for the moment from our other friends. i agreed. i'd include him in my prayers.

then, i spotted from among the crowd this ex of another friend. his is a typical story of a plu affair, i must say. he was supposed to meet his pseudo-buddy (whom i have also met before) that night so that they'd be together during the first few hours of the guy's birthday. but he caught the guy meeting up with another guy so he just decided to go to bed. about an hour or two after we first talked, he told me the guy has called up to say sorry, and since he loves the guy he accepted his apology. around 5 am, he says he has decided not to take the guy seriously anymore after what happened. talk about the interplay of ego and emotions in affairs of the heart.

then again, i saw dancing gayly on the floor this classmate of mine in mandarin named mark. when i approached him, he exclaimed, "i never thought you were gay!", to which i just had to smile. during that time, i was eyeing this boy who was standing at the stage in front of the ledge. i noticed that mark seems to know the boy, so i confirmed it with him. mark then offered to tell the boy that i like him. i tried to stop him, but too late. i found out that the boy was single, but..ouch..not interested. better luck next time.

and then i bumped into this girl who was my batchmate in college. she was with her co-workers from abs-cbn. she doesn't know about my orientation yet -- only three from college know, i believe -- but she might have a giveaway clue after that night. lol. on the other hand, she never caught me smooching with a guy. but do you think that makes a guy inside a gay place straight? duh. haller?

last but definitely you-know-what-follows, i also got to meet two averagely cute guys before the sun rose. they were pals who resemble two of my pals. chris looks like a combination of bruder_john and daniel while julius is also short and sporting a semi-kal hairdo like garppp. both are cebuanos. chris seems to be the more outgoing type while julius the timid, mysterious one. unfortunately, i've yet to convince one of them to go out with me on a date. haha. chris is kinda pushing me for julius but i kinda like chris more. phew! can't it get any less complicated next time?

mine!

2005-02-28T14:20:00.000+08:00

finally, i'm back to blogdom. we've been on overtime work three days straight after i arrived from the travel that's why i wasn't able to update; i can't post if not from my office pc (because of the more conducive environment/atmosphere) thus i'm writing this only now.

the benguet mining adventure has been physically draining indeed yet a much welcome experience nevertheless. we went underground twice, in the 2 mining operations sites -- philex and balatoc -- in the company of sweating, muscled miners (because of these creatures plus some "charming" security guards, i swear i can survive in the minesite! lol!). they let us hear blasting and demonstrated to us their methods. we also got to get the pulse of some of the people in the mining communities.

aside from the serious aspect of our trip, of course the side "perks" have to be appreciated -- the fresh air and the beautiful scenery, the delightful meals and dining at the country club courtesy of our hosts, and the free booze (hehe!). oh well, i would have included having sex with a girl courtesy of my boss' "drinking buddy" in baguio, but then again, i consider it more as a "challenge" than a perk -- a challenge i almost dared to take if only for me to know how that feels. lol. the girls (there were three), according to my boss (who i suspect to be bisexual, with his self-incriminating occasional gestures and being separated from his wife), were nursing students, and could claim so with how they looked -- not the pick-up type. but still i felt awkward, so i just smiled to my boss and went back to the restaurant. i later phoned tripnautic and told him i should have just went with my boss and the girls so that i didn't have to be haunted by how that experience might have went. haha.

we were actually supposed to visit three mining sites that weekend but we ran out of time and so it was suggested to us that we just go to our third destination -- lepanto, which was 3 hours away from baguio city by land -- on thursday so that we could use lepanto's plane. we agreed to the idea so we were back in manila by monday morning.

my first flight thus happened to be on an 8-seater plane (i'll post the pics which were taken courtesy of my officemate's phone), around 7 a.m., feb. 24, 2005. taking off and landing are indeed the uneasy parts in flying, include in that those moments when the plane is occasionally jerked by the wind. but surely it slightly helps having a cute co-pilot aboard the plane with you. haha. next aircraft i'd have to take i wish is a much bigger one, and bound for abroad.

the mine visits were definitely quite an experience -- composed of several personal firsts. for those i won't ever forget working in my present office. and i'd convince my friends to be pro-mining. lol.

work-related weekend travel

2005-02-17T14:04:00.000+08:00

i'm scheduled to leave for benguet tomorrow noon together with some people from our office (all suspectedly bent except one, albeit non-karirables *lol*) to learn firsthand about how a certain mining operation there has been adopting sound practices ensuring environmental protection and addressing social concerns. (you see, the government is currently pushing for the development of the mining industry, and our office head happens to be one of the key officials overseeing this endeavor. being a member of the office's writers' pool, i, in turn, happened to be part of the team tasked by the head to prepare a primer intended to tackle government efforts to address issues concerning mining. relevant information to be gathered out of our trip is targeted for inclusion in the primer.) we'll be staying there until sunday.

well, this travel entails having to forego partying out as well as resting this particular weekend. but then, i may not be able to have this chance of experiencing the place ever again, never mind if this time it has to be work for the most part. i have had and still would have other saturdays anyway to party all i want, i'd better take this opportunity.

"dreamboy" on a nightmarish night

2005-02-11T10:26:00.000+08:00

i guess it all started with my sincere desire to treat someone with a free starbucks drink using my chinese new year "bounce-back" certificate (as the crew calls it) which i got with the coffee store's 2005 planner. the certificate entitles one to get an equally- or less-priced drink for free upon buying a drink on the date written on it, in this case feb. 9, which turns out to be also the opening day of piolo's movie, "dreamboy". so, i thought, why not drag a friend to watch the film with me and treat him (pwede ring her sana kaya lang wala akong fag hag ngayon e) with a free starbucks drink, sponsor his ticket even (well, honestly, i can't think of a co-piolo fan to invite that night, thus, the probable need to do this)?

i began scanning my phonebook since tuesday night to select possible people to invite but it was only on wednesday morning when i finally was able to find one who was agreeable with the idea -- a bed partner (read: a semi-constant companion in that queer club in malate) who was a fling of another co-blogger friend and who seems to be obsessed with alcohol.

since i was coming from my mandarin class at the dfa bldg. along roxas blvd near buendia wednesday night, i decided to see the film at the nearest mall, which happens to be glorietta. when i checked for the screening schedule at clickthecity.com though, that of greenbelt 3 was the most convenient, so it was where i reserved two tickets online, never mind the ticket cost (o, di ba sosi? hehe).

i was expecting that our instructor would dismiss us early that night, but she even went overtime so i had to take the taxi just so i could confirm my reservation, which had to be done around 30 mins. before the screening time. fortunately, the traffic wasn't that horrendous -- the film was to start at 8:55, i was at the ticket counter around 8:25. i texted my friend the screening time earlier in the afternoon, but while still in class at around 7, i already couldn't reach his number, so at around quarter to nine while ordering my drinks at starbucks greenbelt, i was already calling people who might be near makati at that time so the ticket and the drink wouldn't be wasted just in case my friend would not show up at all. they, unfortunately, were already home. i just asked the people at starbucks if i could just claim my other drink later and they said that was ok but they have to prepare it already and they'd just put it in their ref. no choice.

after fifteen minutes inside a half-filled theater (i just caught this morning how gma brags its box-office edge, per interviews with some theater managers, with its "let the love begin", and suddenly, i felt depressed and was motivated to promote "dreamboy" among my friends. lol), there still was no text from my supposed companion, the cellphone of an old woman seated to my left rings, and a jologs girl (mukhang saleslady) three seats to my right is starting to behave annoyingly with her loud, senseless remarks.

more than an hour later, the twist in the film's plot was already revealed, and i still had the unused ticket in my left breast pocket. i also was coughing (hard enough that i never claimed my 2nd frappe anymore) and badly needed to urinate (but didn't because the cr was far and i didn't want to miss the film's ending), both because of the iced mocha frappe, and the palengkerang "saleslady", sadly, was still alive. i might really have to watch the film again for me to appreciate piolo on a less-stressful night.

(obviously, this post isn't intended to be a review of "dreamboy", but for those whose curiousity has been stirred, you can access butch francisco's take on the film here. or clickthecity's review here. personally, it's recommendable. among the three characters piolo had to play in the movie, i like "jaime" the most.)

p.s. oh, back to my "nightmarish" night, while i was waiting for a bus ride home along edsa, it rained. heck, except for experiencing piolo on the big screen, i really wish it was all just a dream.

chinese zodiac horoscope

2005-02-09T09:41:00.000+08:00

xin nian kuai le, everyone! happy chinese new year (or happy spring festival, to be strictly chinese about what is being celebrated)!

a little sharing of what i have learned so far: xin in that greeting literally means new, and to be pronounced as /sin/ with a tone identical to the la note in the do-re-mi scale; nian means year and pronounced with a tone as if you're asking in doubt; kuai le means happy and pronounced with a normal speaking tone, with just more energy. there. do correct me if i erred somewhere.

going to this post's intended subject, i decided, in the spirit of the celebration and out of curiousity, to take note of my chinese horoscope for 2005 (i'm an '81 kid so that makes me a rooster baby, metal rooster to be specific) according to three different sources from the internet. i'm including a link of the page so the readers can also check what they say about their signs.

first, from philstar, which was also taken from the magazine citylife,

roosters are intelligent but have wild personalities. unless you want to ruin your good luck this year, you must curb your unpredictability and careless decisions. roosters who talk a lot in their jobs such as lawyers, salespersons and insurance agents will have good luck this year. resist taking new risks; it’s time to consolidate what you have and stay put.

intelligent, uhmm...pa-humble na check. hehe. wild, uhmm...slight lang. i don't think i am unpredictable, though sometimes i have the tendency to be careless, with my decisions. i don't talk much at work, so that part's n/a. new risks = contemplating about a career shift? stay put? very much applicable.

next, from the manila times, courtesy of the hong kong tourism board,

you’re extrovert, entertaining, intelligent, organized and honest, but at times you can be proud, showy, bossy, obstinate, insufferably egocentric and blunt to the point of rudeness. so while there are rarely dull moments when you’re around, tumult and discord are never far from the surface.

much the same goes for your year, so beware of expending much-needed energy — and money — chasing your tail feathers in wild and untried schemes. instead, immerse yourself in proven enterprises where your talent for hard work, order and efficiency excel.

this can be a hugely rewarding year in the workplace, with promotion a distinct possibility — though with money in your pocket, you’ll need to manage finances carefully and restrain the impulse to splash out on luxuries. personal relationships should flourish, so long as you keep an open and inquiring mind — and your tendency toward cockiness firmly in check.

intelligent ulit, hehe. i wish i was organized. i am neither confirming nor denying the not-so-positive traits mentioned. again, "immerse yourself in proven enterprises" -- let's see. well, i have been already promoted, and managing my finances carefully is one area i really need to work on. personal relationships = open mind + controlling cockiness tendencies...i don't think i tend to be cocky, am i?

last, from an astrology website,

overview

the rooster can expect some conjugal or family challenges this year. to come out well, take the bull by the horns and solve these situations with lucidity and aggressiveness, instead of burying your head in the sand. remember that nobody can solve problems by fleeing or by pretending that they don't exist. it is all a question of courage. 'it's not because things are difficult that we dare not, it's because we dare not that things are difficult,' as seneca wrote. even though a solution may not immediately show itself, an optimistic, philosophical attitude could soften the cutting edge of any obstacles.

hopefully, the "family challenges" won't happen. i am crossing my fingers.

metal rooster

your self-confidence will prove to be your best ally. the stars will favor your professional success by allowing you to profit from superb opportunities. heartwise, you'll have every reason to rejoice. harmony will reign in your couple and, if you're free, you could very well meet your great love this year.

self-confidence, professional success, profit, great love = yahoo!

romantic horoscope (first quarter)

if your heart is still free, be ready to go to paradise. you'll succeed in knocking down the defenses of the person you desire. you'll live a great romantic love. in short, you'll have the marvelous impression that your amorous dreams have finally come true. if you live as a couple, the unexpected will replace monotony. you'll have very stimulating relationships with your mate. of course, the debates will sometimes be heated, but neither you nor your mate will think of complaining about it, for at least there'll be excitement in your common life.

paradise!!! great romantic love!!! sana nga magkatotoo to!

noypi

2005-02-03T13:58:00.000+08:00

we are now required to wear rp flag pins on our prescribed office attire. sheesh, i feel like one of the anchors in tv patrol world. suddenly i have this urge to sing bamboo's hit. or jamie rivera's "heal our land". or like buy hapee toothpaste, "proud to be pinoy", instead of colgate or close-up. whatever. :D

bench the popular

2005-02-02T09:59:00.000+08:00

unexpectedly, i got the highest score in our first graded exercise in our mandarin class. our teacher announced it yesterday in class before our first exam, and so i got applause from my classmates. it was unexpected because eventhough i do make it a point to comprehend what was in the lessons, it was not really consciously aimed at wanting to be the "highest achiever" in class. nevertheless, albeit distinctively being the guy who is oddly-dressed among the male program participants, with most of them either in their usual dress shirts or barongs and me one time in unbuttoned pink checkered shirt and jeans (that is, until yesterday, when i decided to come to office in my cream-colored checkered shirt), i feel being suddenly popular among my classmates because of the unexpected "achievement". can't help but smile.
___________

speaking of popularity, someone in the office (i'm not certain who) nominated me last week as candidate for a seat in the board of our employees association. since i'm not so much into office politics and also because i'm currently entertaining thoughts about a career shift, i declined the nomination, but not after the initial list of nominees was already posted at the bulletin boards.

nine seats were at stake and 12 ran. an office "veteran" emerged as topnotcher while someone who belongs to the "younger" part of the office population (a public administration alumnus from upd and a batchmate) came in 2nd. i wonder how i could have fared had i decided to run. me who sometimes is still unfamiliar with those i ride with in the elevator day in and day out, and doesn't care to know their names at all. haha. i could have came in 8th, in my humblest opinion. lol.

kapamilya ako

2005-01-31T08:42:00.000+08:00

uhmm..call me jologs, i wouldn't mind. quever. that remark, after all, would only be as worthy of respect as that which describes me as "charming", and could likewise be given, not on a level less, to one who admits to being a "kapuso", right? and who hasn't a jologs side, anyway? i dare bet that just as everyone has a first-degree relative who lives/works abroad, so does he/she has one, if not he/she himself, who patronizes either of the two top local networks most of the time, wittingly or unwittingly classifying themselves as a "kapuso" or "kapamilya". yes, indeed, most pinoys can now be categorized as that just as whether they are "pro-erap" or otherwise. and that, mind you, is the case even beyond the masa community. and so, again, call me jologs, i wouldn't mind.

since "ang tv" days, or since "tv patrol" with noli de castro, frankie evangelista, mel tiangco and angelique lazo, i think, most of our tv time at home has been spent with abs-cbn (i don't know how it happened, of course it's not as if one day we all just suddenly vocally declared viewership loyalty to the station, nor blind rejection of its closest rival), thus the title of this post, which may seem like expressing pride such that the distinction is ennobling, to the extent of sounding arrogant, but that is hardly my intent. we just happened to be habitual viewers of the station, but never fanatical patrons.

definitely, we do derive more pleasure and satisfaction from watching abs cbn programs most of the time, but i, at least, don't claim absolute excellent taste to be on our side. as much as i abhor mike enriquez, i have to agree with recognitions bestowed on some of gma's public affairs programs, and as much as i adore piolo pascual, i am also guilty of switching channels whenever it's the asia's songbird's or the r & b princess' time to belt at their sunday show.

i ain't a tv critic, nor do i wish to be one. am just a nameless part of what the media call their audience. though i'm completely aware of the audience's potent role over molding media content, being a mass communication student and having worked for both gma and abs once upon a time, it isn't of my current interest (i don't actually think it was, ever) to enthusiastically seek the best television has to offer. i appreciate programs which are evidently labored on, but admittedly, i can be easily pleased -- i laugh at old jokes, cry over touching scenes, and of course, get hooked over some cute guys.

our case may just be that of a viewing habit just being sustained. as they say, "old habits die hard." there may be thousand other or similar cases of how pinoy homes turn out to tune in more to the "kapamilya" or "kapuso" network, but as jologs as it may seem, nagkataong "kapamilya ako".

what, then, did i get out of blabbering about our tv habits? well, i just can't help it. blame it, perhaps, on an overdose of piolo pascual for the promo of his movie, and/or on sleeping late to find out who gets to be the new grand questor.

sakto

2005-01-26T14:36:00.000+08:00

You Are 22 Years Old

22

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

another friday

2005-01-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

i got a date tonight and i've got this something in my throat which is making me feel uneasy and telling me i can't kiss my date, or else he'd have the virus by tomorrow morning. hay. actually, i was mildly coughing this morning. i'm blaming the weather and that woman i had to sit beside at the bus two days ago, who was coughing mildly without covering her mouth. i swear i almost bitchily threw a line at her. good thing i was able to control myself that time. anyway, hopefully tonight, when the air's colder again, my cough won't be turning worse.

speaking of the weather, i wonder how colder the days would get, especially next month. i remember feeling the chills while i was walking along nakpil last saturday. i should have worn something over my thin cotton shirt that night, or worn something else. nevertheless, the cute/hot guys around orosa and inside bed that payday saturday definitely made the temperature some degrees higher. hehe.

i think i'll just be staying home this saturday. notwithstanding my and my younger sister's indifference towards our relatives on my father's side, i guess we'll be attending our reunion on sunday anyway. oh well, some sons have to be obedient some of the time.

learning mandarin

2005-01-12T11:50:00.000+08:00

today is my second day in the mandarin class i've enlisted in at the department of foreign affairs' foreign service institute. my first yesterday was ok: our instructor (i only got to know her name because it was on our syllabus), sining marcos-kotah -- a round, Chinese-looking lady roughly in her late 30s -- seems to be good enough not to bore her students (what just distracts me is how she pronounces "verb" as "verv"); and the lesson itself was quite interesting (mandarin is pretty confusing to learn at first, but definitely it's cool getting the sounds right, especially the tones). i've yet to find a buddy from my classmates though, and i'm sure i'd be able to find one from the interesting composition of our class -- majority in their 20s and from the dfa (only limited slots are just actually offered for applicants from other government agencies), and a seeming combination of timid and bubbly personalities.

happiness

2005-01-04T11:23:00.000+08:00

i recently told a friend, quite spontaneously, that i have to experience being in a stable, enduring relationship with a guy to somehow justify for myself and eventually to the "unenlightened" people around me this kind of life i've chosen to live. why so?

you see, like what's often heard in "outing" moments onscreen and offscreen, friends and family alike usually tell the gay character that his queerness is ok to them as long as he's happy, healthy and safe.

happiness. the concept definitely varies as supposedly close as even between a married couple. in my case, being a 23-year old gay man in the closet, plus plus, happiness primarily includes finding the man who's adorable enough to watch while he sleeps, smart enough with whom intelligent conversations can be shared, and faithful enough not to get std from.

unfortunately for me, in my three years in this lifestyle, i've yet to find that man, or at least, be in a relationship with a man for more than five months. someone may really have to possess the skill in falling for the wrong guys, or damn hopefully not, the traits of someone who's destined to grow old alone. i'm afraid i cannot disclose my identity to other friends and especially to my family unless i can't confidently and honestly say that i'm happy being who i am.

i would admit to be envious of guys around my age who have been successful in maintaining long-term m2m relationships. not during a few instances have i caught myself worrying about my age vis-a-vis my chances of finding my brand of "happiness" in this life.

2k4 no doubt goes down to history as just one of those heartbreaking, empty years. i dont expect much, although of course surprises are welcome, in the coming year.

at the mall

2004-12-10T13:46:00.000+08:00

after having to stay in the office way after six wednesday night to finish an unusual writing assignment for the unit, i vowed to indulge myself in a little pampering last night.

as usual, per proximity considerations, i decided to go to sm manila. dropped by the bank first to pay for my credit card bill then checked out penshoppe to look for a possible christmas party getup. unsuccessful in finding something that catches my fancy, i went next to oxygen. there i got myself a dark brown shirt with sketches of a woman and a red design with chinese characters, discounted by 15% courtesy of my gentxt card (yahoo!).

before heading to the mall, i was actually thinking whether to have a haircut and a hair treatment plus extra massage at the barber shop or to get a facial (as i'm already bothered seeing blackheads on my nose every morning when i look in the mirror). but since the barber shop was closed for the staff's christmas party, i didn't have a dilemma.

around more than a year ago, i remember going to let's face it at megamall with my officemates from the call center i used to work for. we used to go there before lunch just after our shift. i can't forget how often the attendants assigned to me had to wipe tears from my eyes as she pricks the blackheads on my nose. man, the feeling is such that i'm thinking that my face might already be bleeding the way their pointed tools touch my skin.

well, that's part of the price of being vain, aside from its monetary price. the facial last night cost me 330 bucks. and it's not a bit less painful.

seizure stories

2004-11-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

it's a cold sunday night, a sleep away before another work week starts, and for some reasons, i've yet to feel sleepy. dropped by the net shop near our house to try composing this blog entry. just came from visiting nathan at the hospital. friday night he suddenly had a seizure while having dinner in megamall. was part of the emergency scenario as i and my other friends (sonny, nathan's partner; jio and his partner, patrick) rushed him to medical city via patrick's car. quite a comprehensive account of it has been posted in our group's yahoo site. being a well-loved friend that nathan is, (in fact, told him before that he's the most loved guy in our group) reactions to what happened to him were expectedly emotional. fortunately, he's ok now and already due for release tomorrow morning.

three months ago (i remember now, it was on aug. 20, a week after my bday, while friday night was nov. 19), i was rushed to east avenue medical center when i suddenly collapsed while inside quattro in timog. i was likewise said to have had a seizure according to my friends who took me to the hospital. unlike nathan though, i spent less than four hours in the hospital. when i regained consciousness i believe around three hours after i was brought there, with a dextrose and in the emergency area, i was able to convince the nurse (i was told i had to spend 24 hours in the hospital, which i didn't think was necessary, plus i didn't want the folks in the house to panic) and my friends that i was already ok and can be released. i didn't have to undergo any test at all. probably mine was just a case of being too drunk. well, i haven't had any seizures or any weird ache since then.

in four months, two roughly similar newsmaking cases within the group, with once the patient now the visiting pal. they say i started the "trend". haha. kidding aside, seeing your friends at least checking on you after such situations is indeed a touching experience. having someone special beside you during those times definitely heavenly. *sigh*

here's wishing no more odder news of such nature ever. just our ties founded on brotherhood, fun and, ehem, world peace, maturing and growing as fabulous in 2005 and beyond. (happy new year!? hehe!) also, that i finally have a buddy! (oh when shall i find my harry? lol)

pecuniary matters

2004-11-10T14:05:00.000+08:00

with prices rising left and right, and the holidays fast approaching our doorsteps, receiving monetary incentives at work surely is a most welcome treat.

last month as well as last week, as a regular practice i believe in most government agencies, we were given the option to have our leave credits monetized -- meaning, exchanged for money. you see, every year, we can go on a paid 15-day sick leave and a 15-day vacation leave. if an employee has not exhausted them yet by year-end, he/she can opt to request for its monetization. i availed of both opportunities so as to be able to pay for my cellphone bill and credit card dues. from what was left i was also able to purchase two shirts, regine's latest cd (so far, i've only listened to four tracks, those i've seen regine sing on sop -- minsan lang kita iibigin, say that you love me, forevermore, and ikaw ang lahat sa akin) and afford joining contingents.

this friday, we're expecting to receive our thirteenth month pay, or half of it to be exact, since the other half was already given last may (what's termed as mid-year bonus). i'm planning to buy myself a cheap discman (yes it is, a discman in the age of mp3 players, hehe)from quiapo and perhaps start real shopping for christmas gifts. i also wish to get a copy of south border's cd (sidenote: the video of their latest single, "wherever you are", moved me to tears).

the #s (swimming party) files

2004-10-28T16:45:00.000+08:00

"fishing" functions can only be remarkable depending on one's success in catching whoever he fancies from the "school" of assorted "fishables" available. and so for scoring a good shag at last saturday's #salsalan swimming party, i'd say the event was worth the hundred fifty bucks fee.

no, piolo wasn't there. not even meeting him i believe is worth a tag that cheap. the guy is a 32 yr-old choirmaster at a parish in calamba. he's also presently enrolled in a diploma course on music in up. he's one of the operators of #bi-laguna, another channel on irc. not the headturner type, but he's got a pleasant sounding speaking voice and more importantly, there's sense in his words.

we met on the pool. we were flirting eye-to-eye, and then he swam towards my direction. not long after we started our conversation, chilling, i just found myself hugging him right at the pool, with only two other people there with us.

i wasn't actually planning to swim because i know the night breeze would make me chill. i just happened to see that this sexy guy, whom i noticed earlier before dipping in the pool, was also going to swim, in trunks! my companions -- kugel, carlo and leo -- were also planning to take a dive, so i decided to join them, for me to get closer to mr. sexy guy.

somehow, my powers were not enough to charm mr. sexy guy, and kugel later told me that mr. sexy guy was eyeing the companion of someone who looks like ajman. [mr. sexy guy, by the way, is the companion of the guy whom kugel locked lips with that night. carlo and i even "cheered" for kugel while watching him and his "catch" kissing. ;)]

back to my own "catch" that night, i ended up sleeping with him at their place in calamba. we've been exchanging texts daily since the party. and this friday night, i'm seeing him again.

someday we'll know

2004-10-14T16:23:00.000+08:00

i'm trying to add a tag board, and just like everytime i modify something here, like when i put up the links portion at the sidebar or when i need to edit a post, the "altered" version wouldn't show up until kingdom come. usually i only get to see the modifications done the next day. i don't know if it's just the office pc coz i haven't tried tinkering with my blog at the cafe. i'm actually quite anxious to see if merely copying and hastily pasting the html code for putting the tag board would work. well, i'm just not in the mood now to absorb diligently the details of how to go about putting tag boards. i have my blogger odder friends to ask anyway if my hit-and-miss experiments on my blog fail. or perhaps, next time i might be in a frame more "hospitable" to new things to learn. we'll find out. ;)

****************

though officially i am a minute late based on my time card, i arrived in the office today much earlier than i have been arriving for weeks now. must be the colder mornings and the less time i spent for rest during weekends, i reckon, that's why i find it difficult to get up early for work.

anyway, today i was able to finish my routine output way before lunchtime, scanned the online versions of the inquirer and the star to update myself on events and checked some of the odders' blogs, things which when i'm awfully tardy i am hardly able to accomplish all. i also got to read wilfredo pascual jr.'s "devotion", the essay which won first prize in this year's palanca. quite a stimulating read, i must note.

****************

i've been getting considerably positive remarks about my "reporting stint" for nbn's public affairs show, "talk ko 'to". my aunt's officemates forwarded text read "sulit daw ang pagpapa-adal sa akin" (my having been sent to school was all worth it). my aunt wasn't able to watch as she's in sorsogon for work-related travel, where she claims nbn cannot be seen. officemates are saying i'm already "network material", which makes me ponder about working again in the media.

i've told my mother to watch but i haven't heard words from her since the program aired as she was already sleeping when i arrived last night and i was still dozing off when she left this morning. i surely am most telegenic for her. ;)

corrupt me not

2004-10-08T16:54:00.000+08:00

while i'm typing this here in my desk, no less than makati business club's guilllermo luz, the ombudsman, and hong kong's anti-corruption czar are next door for a forum to talk about what the government has been widely infamous for -- corruption. i was interested to attend except that i had to start working on my regular monday output to finish it earlier as i have an exam and an interview on monday afternoon for a free course on the mandarin language scheduled for january next year in which i am trying to enroll (phew!). it could have been a good opportunity to get additional info and at the same time reflect on that which has unfortunately tainted the institution i work for. tsk tsk.

austerity chenes

2004-10-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

yesterday, unlike what had been the practice in previous internal functions i've attended, snacks were not served during the closing ceremony of an in-house training in which i participated.

the day prior to that, specific office guidelines for cost-cutting were routed for the employees' comments/suggestions.

there's no second-guessing it. though there's actually no way we'd be spared, the president's directive for a continued adoption of austerity measures in the government has indeed hit town, for real.

speaking for myself and based on what i've heard around, most, if not all, of what's stipulated in the guidelines are generally "swallowable", although still i personally believe it would have been professionably healthy if the outside trainings as well as the team building per diem and the snacks were retained.

purchase of additional vehicles are prohibited -- uhmm..yeah, it's already pretty uncomfortable taking the service van to and from the office, what with it being full most of the time, but hell, with the recent (and let's pray that another one won't be upcoming) fare hike, we don't have any other choice but to make do with what's provided.

holding of sportsfests is likewise no longer allowable -- good thing we got to hold ours before ao 103 took effect.

just don't they dare tinker with the christmas benefits, or delay our salaries. hell hath no fury than state workers uncompensated.

on the 'spot

2004-09-30T14:33:00.000+08:00

twenty four hours after getting started on livej for my third blog, i now found myself checking out blogspot.

yesterday i asked my officemates thru our yahoogroup for recommendations on good blogsites, after hearing before that some of them do maintain blogs. minutes before shutting down my pc i was still yet to receive a reply. this morning i found out my outlook was on overquota so i checked our group site for any missed messages. there was a suggestion to try blogspot. and so, i'm here.

some of my friends' blogs are actually here in blogspot. i guess they just weren't able to influence me to have my blog here as well.

as i've said in my opening post at livej, i have yet to sustain my drive for blogging to keep this alive. wish me luck. ;)